Sweet Layla, she has been doing very well. The hole in her heart has finally closed up with the help of the medication. Her gasses in her intestines has worked itself out. She is now able to take in food. They are feeding her every five hours. She has had her first bowel movement so this is all great news for her digestive system. Here bilirubin counts continue to fluctuate so she will be on and off the photo therapy. The ventilator that she is on allows her to breathe on her own. She is breathing regular air (the same concentration as we do). She is breathing about 5% on her own; it's a start. Her skin is healing up very well. Since it is so sensitive it breaks down very easily. We try not to rub her skin. We have to touch her and gently put pressure on her. She moves so much that she has worn down a good size rash on her tummy, but with the antibiotics it has healed up. She is extremely active which is great, but sometimes they need to sedate her so she can just sleep and grow. The scan she had on her brain did not come back with good news. She had some bleeding on the right side before, and it now appears to be bleeding more. They tell us it's a good sign that only one side is bleeding, but either way it seems not good at all. They will do another scan on Monday to see if the bleeding has increased. She could develope some long term problems from this excess bleeding, so we are praying that her tiny little brain can develope normally without damage. We visit everyday and sit with her. I just want to watch her grow. I already feel like I'm missing too much. She should be able to gain some weight now that she is eating. She is 1lb 14oz and as strong as ever. She seems to be adjusting much better than myself with the outside world she lives in for now. I long for the day when I can hold her in my arms. I see my reflection in the glass when I'm looking in on her. It's an empty look I see on my face. I know one day there will be a happier me on the inside...but for now I'm sad. I'm hopeful, but I am sad. My Layla is sleeping somewhere other than with me.
2 comments:
My heart is shattered into pieces. I fight to keep them all contained.
The emotions slip out unnoticed. As sadness comforts my pain.
There is no magic cure for heart ache, there is no greater burden to bear.
I drag my self through each day only not to care.
I look at myself from out side in and see what destruction has done.
for the love of a child is uncompared and there is no greater one.
inching forward day by day,i know it will come to pass
when better day are passing through and sadness is gone at last.
8-8-10 KSR
We will keep praying for Layla. She seems to be doing great, but yes..the bleeding on the brain is a concern. Just remember that children's brains are amazing. They are so pliable. They can recover from damage. Audriana is proof of that. Layla is so young, and if her brain has any damage due to the bleeding, infants' brains are even more pliable than young children! She will be okay. Ask God for 100% healing for her. Full recovery for Layla.
Your poem is very touching. I'm praying for your sadness to subside, as each day that passes brings her that much closer to coming home with you.
All my love,
Trina
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