September

More picture. I said I had a bazillion....

September 30th

More pictures.

September 30th

Layla took a few steps backwards this week. She was becoming bloated again and they took her off of her feedings. They put her back on her oxygen and had to put another tube in her stomach to relieve some gas. She also had an IV out in to give her fluids while she was not eating. That got moved from her foot to her right arm then to her left arm.She is pretty bruised up right now.
Last night around 8pm they resumed feeding her,but only 10 cc. All last night she fussed and cried. The nurse said she was screaming at one point and they could not settle her down. I arrived by 8am and she had just stopped crying. She was on her way to la la land.
The doctors made their rounds and increased her feedings to 15cc and added another IV drip of lipids. They were adding calories to her food but this is most likely why she keeps getting bloated. So as we experiment with Layla's intestines, they will eventually figure out what the correct amount is that her little belly can handle.
I'm really trying not to get upset when things like this seem like they can be avoided, but it is becoming difficult. Who wants to find out after the fact that their baby was inconsolable all night long? I'm getting a bit upset because, this is not how I would care for her if she were at home.
I know she still has a way to go. She may need to go home with Oxygen. I know she may need to gain some weight. There is one thing I know more than anything, she will not be crying ALL night long.
That being said. I did get to hold her and tell her I loved her. They moved her to another section called the Special Care NICU. She happens to be right by a window, so my family can actually see her very well through the glass. She looks much better in person. This is so convenient when all our own children want to see her real quick. Like after school or on the way home. Of course that would never do for me, I am way too greedy. I need to feel her, touch her, and smell her.
Tomorrow I will spend most of the day with her so I can see for myself just whats going on. Is she really crabby or just lonely? Enjoy the picture, because I have a bazillion of them!
Love and prayers for my Sweet Layla
Kathleen

September 27th

Wow has it been that long? Layla has been doing very well for the most part. She has conquered many battles. She is in the special care unit, which is a progressive step towards going home. She has gained so much weight. She is up to 4lbs now. She is eating a full ounce and more. She has started bottle feeds and next we will introduce ME!(breast feeding) Unfortunately she has had a few set backs along the way. Today she was tested for an infection so we are waiting for the results to come back. She had already had another blood transfusion, and may need another one, if there are signs of infection. She had been taken off of her oxygen completely for almost two days, but has since resumed her oxygen. All this growing and feeding is getting her all worn out. So we are going to see what will happen next with out Layla. Her vision test have come back with some mild abnormality. Although this does not affect her vision it would affect her peripheral vision. So we wait until next week to see those results. Over all she is doing very well. She is still tiny and very active. She gets a visit from Mommy everyday as well as big sister Hailey. Every Sunday we still bring the siblings to see how much she has grown through out the week. We are very anxious to bring her home but not before she is ready to come home. We pray that she can recover quickly from her infections and keep growing strong. So many arm are waiting for her when she finally makes it home. Thank you everyone for continuing to pray for her and our family. We need it!
Prayers for my Sweet Layla
always
Mommy

PS pictures next time

September 12th

She waves, she wakes, she stares at her mama,and sleeping beauty will sleep!
News News News! I know I have lots of it. Layla is still doing great, she is 3lbs 3oz. She is almost 16 inches long. She had her first vision test. She has some abnormal development in her eyes, but this is expected for her gestational age at birth. They will follow up with several more vision test.They have lowered the amount of fluid for her oxygen to half of what it was. It is now 1 liter. So this is a progressive step towards breathing on her own completely. She has increased her feedings to 25cc every three hours. Almost a full ounce. She now has her feeding tube through her nose, so this leaves her able to suck her fingers, and hopefully soon ,a bottle.

The children have been wanting to go visit more often, I know that they are all missing her in different ways. They all have their own concerns for her. They all have questions about her health. The girls can't wait to bring her home to wait on her. Miguel can't wait to hold her and love her. We are all anxious to hug and kiss on her. The nursing staff is very accommodating in that sense for the children. They bring down the bed and take down the side so they can get as close as possible to Layla.I'm a little spoiled right now because I'm the only one getting to hold her and kiss on her.

She is steadily gaining weight now. She jumps up so quickly and you can definitely notice that she is filling out. She is starting to look a little plump. She is still so petite. Her face is changing and she is beginning to look allot like the other girls. Beautiful and Angelic. Her hair is growing and so are her finger nails. Upon breaking out of the NICU, Aunt Barbara and I will take her for her first manicure and pedicure for sure.

I know soon she will be able to maintain her body heat so we will need to bring some cloths for her. Not a shortage of preemie cloths in my house, but definitely can't wait to go buy some.I know Grandma has been shopping since we gave birth, so hopefully I won't have too much trouble finding some cloths that she hasn't already bought.

Our weekends revolve around the hospital, with the kids. They are anxious all week to go see Layla. Me and Hailey go every day after we drop everyone off. I do wish there were more hours in the evening so I could spend all night with Layla and not have to worry about not getting enough sleep. I'm finding that my balance is teetering on a small fine line. I have always been able to juggle all the responsibilities of having a large family. I admit it is not easy. I really have to stick to a schedule with all that is going on, just to stay focused and not get too stressed out. I'm dealing with the sadness from not having Layla at home much better these days. When I can't spend enough time with her though, it still hurts. It hits me in waves and,it goes out with the low tide(sleep.

We pray everyday for our little angel, because she is still fighting. She is so strong and so determined to do what she wants. We are all so pleased with her progress. We have been very blessed,not to have too many set backs. We keep waiting for the downs of her condition, pleasantly, we have not had any serious ones yet. We thank God everyday for her life. We know just how close we came to not having it at all. So far this has been the hardest thing I have had to deal with in my life. I just want to say, thank you God,because I'm still coping, functioning, and I'm accepting anything that comes my way after this. This is my revelation, having given birth to Layla...Without strength you can not endure, Without endurance you can not know how strong you are!
Love and prayers for My Sweet Layla
Kathleen

September 3rd

Today Layla had another ultrasound on her head. They are still watching to make sure the swelling has stopped.They will keep doing this until all the blood has drained from where it was pooling. They will still fallow up with a MRI. We will find the results out any day.

She looked great today. I spent about two hours with her this morning. I held her for almost the entire time.I sat I prayed and I smelled her. We tucked her right inside my shirt so she could have kangaroo care.(skin to skin contact) It's very nice, but you can only see the top of her head. She gets herself snuggled right between my breast. Where she slept for almost an hour. The last 40 minutes she fussed about. She needed to stretch out,so it was time to move her back into her bed. She laid there for awhile and looked around. She got comfortable very fast, and of course feel asleep.

It is so very hard to walk away when it's time to leave. I think I'm going to have some separation anxiety issues when this is all done and over. I know I won't want to put her down or have her out of my sight. I plan on spending every possible moment with her when she comes home.

Gaining weight is her biggest hurdle now. Once she gets some fat on her she will pick up the weight a lot faster. Homecoming for her will depend on how much she weighs eventually. I can't imagine she will be much more than 5 lbs when I get to take her home. Who knows that seems so far off right now. I want the time to go by faster, but I don't want to miss out on her growing up. She might be three or four months old before we can bring home our NEWBORN baby girl. When that better day come we will be ready with balloons and flowers like I just had her. That day will mark the beginning of her life with all her brothers and sisters, who can't wait to have her home.
I'm hoping that by Thanksgiving we can celebrate and be thankful for just life in general. Her life, our lives, our family, and God almighty. Who, with out him, I would crumble and fall to pieces. I would not have the strength to wake up or move from my bed. Since I know that God has control of everything, I walk, talk, function, and I have faith.
Prayers and love for my sweet Layla
Kathleen

September 2nd

Well this is a new month for our baby girl. She is doing a fabulous job at growing! She continues to fight her way forward. She is looking pretty healthy compared to when I gave birth almost five weeks ago. She is feeding every three hours still. She is almost up to a full once of breast milk. She continues to digest her food and gain weight. She makes frequent poo poo diapers. For someone so tiny and so sweet she sure can have a big stinky diaper.

Layla has been moves around quit a bit in the NICU. Sometime when I go in there to visit I have to ask" has anyone seen my baby"? I can't say Layla because there are three other beautiful baby girls in there with the same darn name! Not spelled the same of course. Her next goal is to move into the special care nursery. She will still be in the NICU, but she will be special. I already new that she was special, but I guess it would then become official.

I have been able to hold her every time I go to visit. So far every day.I get to hold her for longer periods of time as she gets bigger. At first she was over stimulated so her heart rate would shoot up or drop way down. Now when I hold her she is stable. She gets stimulated but she seems to readjust. She is almost five weeks old and although she is really only 31 weeks, she does smile at you. She makes all those cute funny faces that just melt your heart. She stretches and farts and it just cracks me up. It takes so much effort to do these things, she get pooped out and falls into a deeper sleep.

It really is amazing that she is doing as well as she is. Hailey and I visit in the morning after we drop everyone off at school. We can't stay long because Hailey gets a little sad, she is not sure what to do there. She got to touch Layla the other day and right away she said she has a boo boo. She grabbed me and said let's go now momma. What can I do?

I still visit everyday. I feel so sad that she is all alone. Sometimes when she cries I know she is unattended and that thought is enough to make me crazy. I want to hold her all day and night if I could. I want to do all the things that a mommy should be doing right now. It's so very frustrating. I'm upset that she has to pacify herself. Who will make silly faces and speak in silly voices to her? Will she remember that she was left alone for an ungodly amount of time just so her life could be nourished? Will she know that I was there everyday? This goes through my mind everyday all the time. The nurse explained to me that she is in a dream like state and that most likely she will have no memory of this experience. I just pray that she is having the most beautiful sweetest dreams right now.
Prayers for my Sweet Layla always.
Kathleen