Well this is a new month for our baby girl. She is doing a fabulous job at growing! She continues to fight her way forward. She is looking pretty healthy compared to when I gave birth almost five weeks ago. She is feeding every three hours still. She is almost up to a full once of breast milk. She continues to digest her food and gain weight. She makes frequent poo poo diapers. For someone so tiny and so sweet she sure can have a big stinky diaper.
Layla has been moves around quit a bit in the NICU. Sometime when I go in there to visit I have to ask" has anyone seen my baby"? I can't say Layla because there are three other beautiful baby girls in there with the same darn name! Not spelled the same of course. Her next goal is to move into the special care nursery. She will still be in the NICU, but she will be special. I already new that she was special, but I guess it would then become official.
I have been able to hold her every time I go to visit. So far every day.I get to hold her for longer periods of time as she gets bigger. At first she was over stimulated so her heart rate would shoot up or drop way down. Now when I hold her she is stable. She gets stimulated but she seems to readjust. She is almost five weeks old and although she is really only 31 weeks, she does smile at you. She makes all those cute funny faces that just melt your heart. She stretches and farts and it just cracks me up. It takes so much effort to do these things, she get pooped out and falls into a deeper sleep.
It really is amazing that she is doing as well as she is. Hailey and I visit in the morning after we drop everyone off at school. We can't stay long because Hailey gets a little sad, she is not sure what to do there. She got to touch Layla the other day and right away she said she has a boo boo. She grabbed me and said let's go now momma. What can I do?
I still visit everyday. I feel so sad that she is all alone. Sometimes when she cries I know she is unattended and that thought is enough to make me crazy. I want to hold her all day and night if I could. I want to do all the things that a mommy should be doing right now. It's so very frustrating. I'm upset that she has to pacify herself. Who will make silly faces and speak in silly voices to her? Will she remember that she was left alone for an ungodly amount of time just so her life could be nourished? Will she know that I was there everyday? This goes through my mind everyday all the time. The nurse explained to me that she is in a dream like state and that most likely she will have no memory of this experience. I just pray that she is having the most beautiful sweetest dreams right now.
Prayers for my Sweet Layla always.
Kathleen
1 comment:
I know it must be so hard to leave her and to know that sometimes she cries and isn't tended to...but maybe if you think about it this way it might help: she should be in the womb right now, and in the womb there is no one to attend her. It's been said that babies "cry" in the womb, or at least have stress levels of some sort. They learn to pacify themselves (they find their fingers and thumbs!) and they go back to sleep very quickly. Maybe Layla still thinks she's in the womb when she is left alone. I'm sure it feels wonderful for her to be held by you and to hear your voice...but maybe because she is sleeping so much of her life right now, that even when she is awake she might be in a dreamlike state, like the nurses say.
Bottomline: I don't remember anything about my life when I was that age...do you? :)
When she comes home, it will be a wonderful day. We are all praying for that day to come quickly!
Love you,
Trina and Rich
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