Aug 15th

Sweet Layla is doing so well. She continues to breathe with the help of a sipap machine. She seems to handle this very well. The respiratory therapist said she really is doing very well for her size. I know my baby is a fighter. It just pains me to see her the way I do: through a box where she can not feel my touch or know my scent. She still has bleeding in her brain, but no new bleeding. They are going to do another scan on her brain next week. They are waiting to see if the body will reabsorb the blood. If not, I guess we will find out what the next course of action will be. I try not to get to far ahead of the daily events, otherwise I will just go MAD!

I have been able to spend more time with her. Although she sleeps through most of our visits, I rather enjoy our quiet moments. I get to listen to her heart beat, take her temperature, and change her diapers. Every now and then they let down the side so I can touch her and place my hand over her body. She can hear me for sure, as I sing to her and pray for her. I tell her about her siblings and all they are busy with. She is a very active baby already and reminds me of her sisters. I can't wait to hold her again. I was absolutely content just holding her.

The children have been able to visit her once a week. This doesn't seem to be enough time because it takes so long to get everyone in and out. I know they are starting to miss her and want her home. They may not understand everything that goes on with her, but they worry just the same. We try to be as positive as we can when we visit, and the nursing staff help us make their visits most enjoyable.

We are coping the best way we can. I miss my baby terribly. I think holding Layla has helped ease some of my distress, but it's not normal to be separated from your baby. I have never had to deal with those emotions before. Just seeing her everyday does not alleviate the pain of wanting to hold her and keep her snuggled close to me. I'm nursing a pump when I should be nursing a baby. That is really the hardest for me. I can only watch as they push through a tube what takes me 30 minutes to produce. Today she got to taste the milk. The nurse put some in her mouth. She smacked her lips together and stuck her tongue out looking for more. Can't wait until she learns how to nurse from mamma.

Today like everyday has been a good day. She is breathing and her heart is beating.  She grows and matures into what would have been her 28 week and second day of gestation. She has a long way to go before we can get too excited, but we are truly blessed by her very existence. Thanks to God, prayers, and all the love she has going her way. As my grandmother would always say "with the help of God"  she will be home soon.

Love and prayers for my Sweet Layla