Sweet Layla we hit a speed bump yesterday.They had to resume photo therapy and stop her feedings. They initially started with formula until I could bring my breast milk in. I think it was a little harder to digest so they gave her tummy a break. Today though,She did resume feedings. Miguel caught that on film. He was a little shocked that she only got what looked like drops of food. 1cc is what they started her with and they will feed her every 3 hours and increase the amount a little at a time. She was not digesting all the food and some of it was coming back up the feeding tube. Her intestines looked clear and what little she did digest made its way out. All in the tiniest form of a poop.We also got to change her diaper. She is still developing so there isn't much to wipe down there. Miguel got some great pictures of her tiny little booty.
She was not to fussy when I showed up today,so they let me hold her. I couldn't believe it when they told me. I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I just sat there as tears ran down my face. Both the nurses started crying as well. I can only imagine having to witness a mothers first touch over and over...It must be very rewarding. I had just been handed the most precious gift in the world.I sat there for a god 15 minutes just soaking in her smell and touching her head. Her body lay there perfectly inside my shirt. Like we were meant to fit together. She lay there so still and so at peace. She slept in my arms like she would normally if she were at home. I felt robbed when they had to take her and put her back in the incubator.It was not a good feeling to let her go. I struggle with being separated from her. It's an empty feeling. It's so very painful right now. How can your brain know it's only temporary, when your heart feels like its destroyed the moment you are apart? I know that this experience has changed my perception of many things. Life is a gift. I can wait patiently to take mine home.
2 comments:
So glad you finally got to hold your little girl! What a beautiful picture-I am so happy for you. Layla is so lucky to have such an amazing family- so many brothers and sister to love her!! Not to mention the most amazing mother- I really havent met another person as remarkable as you- you are my roll model as a mother myself and I absolutely admire your strength through this all! I have been keeping up with your blogs and I will continue to pray for her- and you all-cant wait until I log on and see that she was able to go home!!
Layla my sweet, it's your second cousin again. You are so beautiful. I'm so thankful Mommy was able to lay you on her bosom today. Your family over here is remembering you in our deepest prayers & thoughts. Continue the fight sweet pea, you Momma,Daddy, your siblings, and all your loved ones near by. My Church will continue to lift you in petition and lay our request to God's feet. Love GPJ
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